I decided to do a Spring Training Blog on here. I took extensive notes for three whole weeks– fifty-thousand words or so. HERE GOES!
Day One:
So baseball is back. There’s that. I did a couple of fantasy baseball drafts and I realized something:
Pitchers suck now. I mean, Clay Buchholz was like […]

…and yet, Carl Everett remains in the minors. Sweet living Christ in a motorized cart, can we get this dude a job? Carl, get some steroids.
It’s because he’s black, right?

Hows about I serve you up a steaming pile of awesome? I’ll be at the Yanks-Sox game tomorrow in Yankee Stadium. WHO WANTS SOME?!
I’m calling it: 5-4 Sox. YEAH BABY.

Listening to the party mix function on my itunes while watching the Orioles beat the Yanks:
Page France: “Feather”
Mortar and Pestle: “Infatuation”
Jets To Brazil: “You’re Having the Time of My Life”
Iron and Wine “Peng! 33″
Black Rob: “Like Whoa”
Screeching Weasel: “I Wanna Be with You Tonight”
One of these things is not like other…

Carl Everett’s line for Opening Day:o H in 0 AB. 0 assists. 0 TB. 3 Hot Dogs Eaten, 1 Queer Couple stared at with “the evil eye.”

Carl Everett don’t know nothing ’bout no innernet. Carl Everett just knows that when Jesus comes, he’ll kill all the gaywads.
TRU.

Following former NBA player John Amechi’s surprise outing of himself, I have decided on making a list of people who would be funnier as a gay in the baseballs.
THE LIST (includes the future, which I have seen):
Gary Matthews Jr.
Ken Griffey IV
Ray Liotta V
Pokey Reese
Goose Gossage
A-Rod (too easy, I know)
Chipper Jones (imagine the press conference!)
Tim Hardaway’s […]

Dear Fuckers,
Letting less people watch baseball is the stupid. Please remit.
Sincerely,
Smash J. Bird